Love and Freedom

It is said that “when you love someone, set him free, but if he comes back again, then you’ll know, it was meant to be”

But i say, it’s not really one hundred percent true. Maybe, it’s true to others, but to me, it’s not. I have love a man in my life. Love him in a sense that he became the center of my life. All my hopes and dreams were with him. If i have to exaggerate things, he was the air that I breathe. Life became so meaningful with him. We have had our piece of misunderstandings, we fought, we discussed a lot, we broke up and we made up. Until we decided to let each other explore things on our own. We were still committed at that time, but since we were apart from each other, to do away with the pressure of demanding something from one another, we decided to let go. “Okay, you go on your own, i go my way. If you find someone better than me, tell me so i know what am i going to do” and things settled that way for us.

I enjoyed my freedom, i flirted with other men, at work, at internet and others. I go out with friends enjoyed their company without worries of explaining to him after. I thought things can be taken that lightly. I thought that, that kind of relationship was refreshing. After sometime, I never heard from him, then it turned into months, years… and so on. He never said anything, until the news shattered me and my freedom. He was married. He never told me.

I realized that since I haven’t heard anything from him, I was hopeful that he still love me, that he would return after his journey to his freedom. I never thought that he could be that weak with temptations. I never thought he could do such thing to me. I knew him to be a man of his words but he never told me. So, what i did? Nothing! I was too proud to admit I was hurt. I was too proud to admit I still love him. I showed the world what was expected of me and hide what I really felt. Can you blame me? Can someone say i should have gone to him and tell him what i really felt? Yes, someone did, but i was too proud!

And then I realized i was totally free. But it was so lonely. Life, knowing without him was really different. It’s frustrating… it’s so unhappy. Missing him wasn’t really the hardest part of it, it’s the thought that I once had him and didn’t do anything to work things out was what broke my heart. But to mend things was too late.

There are really things that we want to own for the rest of our lives. But we have to accept that fact that we can’t have what’s not really for us. People come to our lives, we may learn to love them in the most especial way, but when it’s time to go, we have to let them and let each other grow apart. It’s difficult, it is painful, but in time, all wounds would heal. It will leave us a scar, but it would only remind us that because of that scar, we learned our lessons well.